I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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