I wanna passion pit in your ass
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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