I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
