my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
