She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
is wine microwaveable?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
