Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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