Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize