hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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