just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
did i just pee glitter
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
