I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
