Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
