Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
