The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
