Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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