My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
