Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
this boner is exhausting
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
