I need help removing her.
Porn is love you can see.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
