So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
