Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
This is my gift to your gina
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
