I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize