you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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