its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She's the barista slut.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
