Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
