I puked a lego.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
