I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
