I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
