you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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