She is in my trunk
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
