Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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