I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
