If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Can I color on your dick again?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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