woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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