With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My Sexting was not on an AP level
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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