i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
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