Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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