I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
