Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
