i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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