she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
