Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize