Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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