New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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