Your dad touched me again.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
All the doctor said was why
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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