He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
