So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
