goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
