i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
