is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Randomize
