apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
