Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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