doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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