Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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