He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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