i jhust puked up my retainher.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I believe in your delicious
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
