Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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