i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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