There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
