New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
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