You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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