so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So much rum. So many feels.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
