I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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