He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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