goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
