omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
