The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
