He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I supernannyed him into submission
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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