I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
