he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
